bits & pieces to soak in.

i gave all of myself to someone once, and it blew up in my face. from then on i gave up. i didn’t pursue anyone and i didn’t let anyone pursue me. i completely shut myself off from humanity and wanted nothing to do with anyone of the opposite sex. of course it wasn’t likely that they could disappear for too long, but i liked to pretend they didn’t exist anymore. it’s terrible, right? to lump everyone into one category of gender and place them out of sight, out of mind? well i’ve done a lot of terrible things and that one doesn’t even compare.

naturally, men were still in my life, but not in the same way. i forced them all into that so-called “friend zone” everyone is obsessed over. i wanted nothing to do with boundaries and labels, but i used them anyway. i’m a hypocrite and i embrace it. i’ve never known a bigger contradiction but there’s little i can do about it since i’ve accepted it. where was i? oh, right, the “male race” i disliked so much. what a clichè i was so disappointed in myself for giving into. you know those women who despise men simply because they can and because they were dumped once at a high school dance? no, i’m not one of those women. my contempt for the male race is a contradiction, just like myself.

the truth is, i love men. i love everything about them, especially their flaws. they’re broken, confused creatures that more often than not need nurturing. and i don’t mean that in a condescending sense. at least not for all men.